PARENTING CONFERENCE: TAKE-HOME SESSIONS
We hope you enjoyed the parenting conference! We hope it provided you with not just information and ideas but a vision of how God is already partnering with you in your parenting. Praise God that he loves, cares for, and desires better for our kids than even we do! Below are sessions 8 and 9. Session 8 is all about the years 18-22 of your child’s life. Session 9 is all about when your kids step out on their own and how to prepare for this moment of their lives.
While you watch the video below, use your notebook from the conference to continue to take notes about these lessons. Also, we highly encourage you to explore the discussion questions with your spouse or friend. This also might be a great opportunity to get your path group involved in discussing these sessions together as well. Please click the link below. to watch the last two sessions. Please use our login to watch this content. We do ask that you please not share this link with anyone who was not at our conference. The account will close on December 15th.
Login username: Lindsay@flourishinggrace.org
Password: fgcparenting
- Josh Gardner and Lindsay Spinning
Session 8: THe finish work
Questions
The shape of The Box is quite different now, but sometimes parents struggle to make the change. Describe a recent situation in which The Box either was applied or could have been applied.
1. Did YOUR Box look like the one illustrated?
2. If not, what could have been done differently?
Reminder: remember you are now dealing with a young adult and if they have received Jesus as Savior and Lord, your brother or sister in Christ. Treat them with the love and respect they deserve, while also remembering you are still their parent and they will still need your help as they navigate some of the biggest decisions of their life.
Context
Goals vs. Values
3. Do you still find yourself over-correcting your child over values they have not adopted?
a. What specific value is at the focus of this tension?
b. Is it an essential of the faith or is it merely a matter of personal preference?
Tip
If your child does not do everything the way you wish they would, don't over-correct. Let it go! Now is the time for unconditional love.
Context
The List
Know how to stand firm
Know how to stay sexually pure
Know how to choose a husband or wife
Know how to handle money
Develop a consistent time with God in the scriptures, morning by morning.
Know the scriptures well enough to find wisdom for life's challenges.
Know how to live missionally
Learning to listen to God
Love the church
A biblical theology of suffering
Questions
4. All of these are important, but is there one in particular that stands out and needs special attention in your family?
5. What steps might you take to begin growing in this area? (The Discussion Leader might choose to elicit suggestions from other group members)
6. How to stand firm: Is your child easily swayed from their convictions?
a. What specific "force(s)" keeps them from standing their ground?
b. Suggestion: Ask the Discussion Group if they can think of any specific counsel in God's word that applies to specific situations that may come up during the discussion. Then ask how that scriptural counsel might be shared with the child and any other suggestions for helping this child to stand their ground.
7. In regard to choosing a husband or wife, Diane wrote a series of "Letters to My Son" (these are posted under "Resources" at www.intentionalparents.org). If you were to write a letter to your daughter or son about how to choose a husband or wife, what qualities and values would you advise them to look for in a potential spouse?
Tip
Two suggestions: first, if the age range is appropriate, encourage the Discussion Group members to write letters to their children or set a time to talk with their son or daughter about how to choose a husband or wife. Encourage them to include the qualities their children should seek, the values they should expect, etc. Their letters could be read by their children and used as the basis for a follow-up discussion. Alternatively, if the children represented in the group are younger, suggest parents write the letters anyway or at least make lists of the qualities and values they know are important, then use those documents as aids in praying for their children's future spouses.
8. Diane spoke of how important it is at this stage for your children to know God's word well to face life's challenges. If anyone in the Discussion Group has an already established practice, with their children, of Bible reading, scripture memorization, etc., share it with the group.
9. In regard to a "theology of suffering," is there a situation in your family (or in your own life, in the past) that might give you the opportunity to instruct your child in a theology of suffering? Can you think what the Lord might be doing in and through you and your family in this time of suffering?
Resource
Diane Comer's book, "He Speaks in the Silence: Finding Intimacy with God Through Learning to Listen,"
Session 9: The front door
The Blessing
1. Two ways we can bless our kids:
a. By praying for them
i. What do you wish your parents or other older adults in your life had prayed for you when you were at this stage of life?
ii. What specific things in your child's life can you pray for right now?
iii. Tip: Write down 2 or 3 that come to mind and set aside a time each day to pray for these specific requests. Record answers that the Lord brings in response to these requests. Reminder: the most powerful thing you can do for your son or daughter if they have not yet chosen to follow the Way of Jesus, is to bring them before the Father in prayer.
b. By believing in them.
i. Parents, think back to when you were at this stage. How did you feel and respond to your parents when they offered unwanted "advice" or outright criticized you?
ii. If advice or criticism was justified, how might it have been handled in a way that was helpful and even encouraging to you?
iii. Were you blessed by being the recipient of encouraging words from your Mother or Father when you were a young adult? How did that make you feel? It probably gave you the confidence you needed to move forward in your faith, overcoming fears.
2. What character traits, competencies, and calling can you identify in your child? Frame those qualities into a "blessing" and share it with the group. Then, of course, share it with your own child.
Tip
During this last stage, before your adult children leave home, Phil and Diane encouraged parents to "give advice when you are asked." As a parent, sometimes you have wisdom to share but it's still best to simply pray and wait until your adult children ask for advice (especially if they are already married). All the while, of course, look for ways to speak words of encouragement. The more you pray and encourage, the more likely your adult child will actually seek your advice when they need it.
3. Phil said, "your children are your legacy." What is a legacy* and what do you think he meant by that?
4. One day, your children most likely will marry, have children, establish their own home and carry on your legacy.
a. What kind of legacy do you hope they will establish and leave for their children?
b. What can you do now to make that possible?
Conclusion: as you wrap up this parenting film series, take time to pray. First, pray for your own lives as parents: that you will be the godly examples your children need, as you point the way for them to follow. As was said in the last video: "You can't pass on what you don't possess.
Ask the Lord if there is anything in your life or marriage that needs to change, that you might be a blessing to the Lord, to each other and to your kids.
Finally, your kids are your legacy. Take time to pray for them, that they will passionately follow the Way of Jesus all the days of their lives until they see Him face to face.
*A legacy is something handed down by a predecessor (in this case, a mother and a father). A legacy isn't something that suddenly appears out of nowhere. It's an accumulation of resources - positive or negative - invested over a length of time.